That sentence summarizes all of the problems that this story has. Pornhat Work on that, and fix it, then repost it after you do a bit of planningREADERReport 2007-03-12 04:45:26make it longer and it would of been ok. Overall, there is no detail, no character, no foreplay, no relationship.READERReport 2007-03-12 16:50:18It’s written like an excited child talks… Almost like rambling… Almost like rambling… Work on that, and fix it, then repost it after you do a bit of planningREADERReport 2007-03-12 04:45:26make it longer and it would of been ok. That sentence summarizes all of the problems that this story has. Almost like rambling… Work on that, and fix it, then repost it after you do a bit of planningREADERReport 2007-03-12 04:45:26make it longer and it would of been ok.
